We had sex. That’s all I’m going to say. We are in transition mode to helping mr. Darling, be a leader, provider and protector. In a sense pee on his territory. Asserting himself as head master. While still having, my self respect, self importance, value, the feeling of being uplifted and dignity. But, I do have to say that there is a huge power struggle, and frustration, of striving to see each others mental image about the truth of roles in sexual etiquette. And how we should treat each other. We are stepping into the unknown where there is vast room for error and misunderstanding especially since it such a hugely sensitive issue that is hot wired to the emotions and motor nerves of fight or flight. (Majority verbal. I have never been so aggressive towards my husband. But, really it’s towards error and falsity. And i must be patient and accepting when he is coming to understanding the truth for himself through trial and error. I do have to retrain my self to not lash out at what I feel is not appropriate for the growth period or that I feel is completely and utterly disdainful. There have been times that i wanted to punch him in the Face! Or where it counts (which I realize I will never from this point do because his genitals are sacred and I want to keep trust and respect towards sexual nature and each others integrity) but, it was a thought in the past. In some was I wish I could be mute and just say yes so that we can just get this over with allow him to learn what’s right and wrong faster! He wants me to feel good and all the things positive that I want to maintain in feeling. He wants that for me. And he wants me to feel value. Because truth lays with in us and if I feel bad so will he. If he feels bad so will I. It’s within us. But, it helps to study others cause and effect. He has to learn somehow, he has to practice somehow. No one ever developed a talent without practice or making mistakes.
But, right now I struggle in my desire to want to talk to him or even speak. But, all things pass.