Yesterday sex was slightly inconsequential except for i had a sexual fantasy. which is great! I imagined that i was at a business conference and sat in the front row. while the speaker was speaking i self pleasured. that is a very bold statement from my subconscious i feel. That deep inside i actually do love myself and that i shouldn’t be afraid to show it and that i shouldn’t be afraid of thinking or showing that i’m sexy. Be proud of it! so show it. I don’t have to go around self pleasuring in front of everyone. Or wear short skirts or low cut tops etc. But i can wear modest but sexy clothing, i can walk with my head held high.
Today’s sex was very much outside our comfort zone. But, i feel more liberated than ever. I’ve decided to tell my husband everything that goes on inside my head when in comes to sexuality or feel good, beauty, etc.
Today i saw a hansome guy. he was beautiful and that was it. I smiled at him. He smiled back that is it. nothing more nothing less. I told my husband. guess what he decides to have me do. Imagine more. “So,” he says. “if you could think about that way in a sexual way what would happen”……….uh….ummm..ehhh.
I think it’s very good that he asks even though i struggled because i have always been 100 percent Mr. darling. and I know that i want to spend eternity with Mr. darling. However, it very hard to have an imagination when i’m having sex everyday, we are seldom spontaneous and at the moment unable to be sooooo spontaneous. it’s easier to pick unknown third person as a means to practice my imagination.
so, i told that this person surprised me from behind after having passed eachother. he took one look at me and couldn’t resist my magnetism. (hee hee) and he caressed me like that. mr.darling spurred me on by saying ‘then what happened”? etc
after that i had to go to the shop and you know what i felt. fearless. I wasn’t afraid to see people’s beauty. I felt liberated. I felt i cou ld accept people as they are even if they are smoking hot i don’t have to shy away from them. I could stand as an equal. It’s important to recognize and acknowledge people for what they are. And not to ask people to be less than what they are to feel good about ourselves. It’s okay to revel in others beauty, energy or sexual energy they exude while passing by or in brief conversations. Let it energize me and take it home to my husband so that i can help him become more beautiful.