The past two days we have struggled. Yesterday 45 minutes of la la. and pleasure just before the end. when all of a sudden our upstairs neighbors decided to blast their music full throttle at 10:30 at night. ???????? i have to be concerned about the kids etc.
Especially today. Those days when you just curl up in a ball with the sheets up to your chin; laying on your side crying and wishing I was better. I do, I really do want to be the best lover in our (my husband and I ) world. I want to be turned on alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllL the time. The quote “you will never consistently do something that is inconsistent with your self image” keeps coming to my head and it’s true. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!
I have to get outside my comfort zone and start reading Christian sex stories. The whole time I was with my past boyfriend or when I became conscious and aware through my experience that sex before marriage was bad, when the guilt started to set in that I need to get out of that relationship. I pushed everything sexual away. Any thought or every time he initiated i turned him away. I didn’t want to feel bad about myself anymore. But, I wish I knew that sex itself wasn’t bad which is the problem with most religions! Any reference to sex is NEGATIVE! Except for in songs of Solomon (bible) where he talks about the beauty of breasts. If sex was bad then we wouldn’t be born with freakin genitals!!!!!!! Sex is good, sex is pleasurable, sex is enjoyable, juicy, wet! It’s all positive!!!!