Just to say daily sex day number 80 will becoming tomorrow because ill be too sleepy to write tonight.
Wow, today has just been one thing after another. My behavior has cases of stinkage sometimes. And today was one of them and I’m still in the process of forgiving myself. I need to vent because only those who make it their idea and choice to listen, listen. And unfortunately if I called any of my hardly church friends since they have busy lives. (In my head and maybe not so) They would think the world is ending because disagreements or such just shouldn’t exist. Plus i wouldn’t even be able to mention the word sex without being cut off or feel bad. Well, on the road to perfect attitude this is definitely gonna happen.
It’s alllllll about sex. And the feeling it gives and it’s energy! If I could snap my fingers and be an amazing sex goddess with no inhibitions I would! But, I do have to say that before that it’s forgiveness, persistence and that everything happens for a reason!
It’s so easy to beat my self up and expect a quantum leap improvement. But, change and healing are daily, incremental and compounding actions The accumulation of them is what we call the results!
What am I on about?!
Romance! I made my husband feel bad because of our need to improve it. And it been a topic for 3 years. that keeps getting brushed aside.
First off, deep inside the question lays firmly. Am I experiencing the universal law of give and receive? You receive what you give out, right? i’ve experienced this to be true on many many occasions.
Before we were married in my mind he had a very difficult time being romantic. Like setting up dates, or traveling over to see me in my country, or buying flowers, or surprising me with anything or making me food once in a while. Maybe it’s because of where we live now! Everything is outrageously expensive. Why buy flowers when they just die anyway and then one has to clean up the mess and they cost a fortune for the nice ones. plus the ones in pots die because my nurturing touch is elsewhere!
Then I think maybe because I was a stiff in bed for three years because of my emotional scars. Because I had to figure out the hard way that not having sex before marriage is actually a very smart idea!
Or maybe it’s because he’s investing all his time and energy into building our future, financial security and safety. That it would dissipate his energy and train of thought. And slow our financial freedom!
Or the fact that he put most of his effort in to his past girlfriends and romancing them. Ending up being rejected by all of them because they were not ready for marriage! That he just doesn’t have the energy to do it again!
It’s my issue! Yes, It’s important to be patient because NO ONE IS PERFECT! Including me! And having an attitude and impatience pushes you farther away from any solution.
But, do I really need to right a list of what I want? Doesn’t that take away the element of surprise. Do majority of men wish their lover would write a list? Can’t he just look it up! or research it out. is this where my responsibility comes in of …”how can a person give you what you want if you don’t know what it is you want!” And if I’m to give and receive. What’s his perception of romance for himself to receive from me? Or what is his perception of romance towards me?
All I know is that I want to be better and I’m sorry for how I act sometimes. And he really doesn’t deserve it. He really is a good example of being calm, cool and collected, patient and forgiving.
I’m just missing what he and I had this weekend. Time together. Being able to make as much noise as possible. Freedom to come and go. It won’t be long before we have this more consistently
Now I feel better. Thank you.