What just happened? The image replayed across my mind and finally I let myself cry. It’s important to cry. it’s okay to be imperfect. Feelings are there to tell us whether something is right or not. I cried for 1 1/2 hour. It takes two people to have a misunderstanding or … to make or break anything. We are all responsible for contributing to own problems or successes. So, I’m also responsible for what happened last night.
Shed a little light on why our mishap happened. I have a habit that has been in my life second hand since childhood. First hand since puberty. For me an emotional soother or a way to vent. Popping zits. I rarely do it now. I watched my sisters do it as a child. when i got older we popped each others zits. While we would pops zits we would continue popping despite the pain until we got the zit or it just wasn’t producing results.I dislike my emotional attachment to this.
Now for the mishap. Our son was awake as we got home from a business meeting. Very much limiting our sex and increasing our desire for bed. I really wanted to know how long we were going to have sex since it was almost ten. I was very worn out and my husband needed to get up at 4am. So, we were discussing while he had his penis in and thrusting. Mr Darling rarely gets agitated. He had told me a certain time we would finish. That time came and went and I was wondering what was going on. I wanted to stop. He was still thrusting? Didn’t he just say……? All this was happening in my head when it should have come out of my mouth.
Well, priorly we usually have sex for 15 minutes min. If circumstances were difficult. But, today he said it would be shorter but… I was a little stressed because of the lack of consistency in what was said and done. And i wanted to stop. It’s CRUCIAL to respect boundaries during sex. I am willing to continue if he communicates and discuss further action. Do I continue to focus what should I do with my thoughts and emotions ??? Should I wait? Mind you that i was thinking NOT speaking.
i was getting stressed in my head because there was so much going on and i also was distracted from communication on my part! When I get stressed I tend to lapse into my habit of popping zits. Mr. Darling doesn’t like it. He didn’t say anything this time but, he usually tends to pull away if it hurts. I was popping zits on his back while he started to talk. I popped a zit that really hurt. So, he said okay I’m going to do something you don’t like so he thrusted fast and hard. I said stop. I don’t like it. He stopped the hard and i stopped the zits. We were still having sex? He wasn’t saying anything! We were suppose to stop? I got stressed again and explained this too him and started to pop zits again because there was a lack of respect for communication and consistency between words and deeds. He was distracted of course. We were having sex! I found a zit and popped it and it REALLY HURT! He let me have it he thrusted fast and Hard. I pushed him off me with my feet. You DO NOT do that I said out loud. He got the point of NO MORE SEX through my action.
Men and women DO NOT punish or retaliate in a sexual fashion. If these go un mended because of pride…this is why people divorce this is why parents fight this is why wars are started. THE SMALL THINGS MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE. It’s a very serious thing!
I didn’t want to talk to him, look at him or anything. Nada! In my mind i knew he had only made a mistake. And it’s okay and he loves me. And that at the moment he didn’t understand what he was doing. But, the only way for him to know is if the truth of what happened was displayed openly. I cried and went stayed where i was while he left. Truth lays within us. God put a compass and a gauge inside of us. And when a person responds negatively then it’s an indicator that we were in the wrong. Much like he responded to my zit popping. However, his mistake was more severe and grave. To him mine was probably just as big. However i still feel this is more serious! He had wounded me on the deepest emotional scale. I wanted to mend it verbally as soon as possible. But, he needed to take this first step in this situation! that is his responsibility to help me overcome this problem because I can’t repair this by myself. I don’t have a penis. I need his will and desire to fix this problem that we made together. He did.
I just laid on the bed crying. Yes I made a mistake , he did too. But, no matter how severe, sexual punishment is VERY VERY scarring and a big no no. He came to me after taking time to think. He told me at this moment he realized his error. He apologized but, I sensed that it wasn’t the right time. I needed to be alone for a small time.
We were no longer connected on a spiritual level there was a huge canyon between us. He came to bed open to receive my thoughts, feelings, and allowed me to vent. To find where to place my mind and the solution. It was the right time because he was open and so was I.
I vented! Him too!
I was still wondering how to repair this. In my mind sex came to my thoughts as the solution. But, my emotions were over ruling. I DID NOT want to have sex. My head was thinking something else. I knew that I was going to be up all night if we didn’t fix it now. We cuddled. I don’t want this feeling to continue. We were still disconnected. Mr. Darling suggested I just need lots of cuddles. Quotes came to my head. Not from my husband! But, from self development books I have read! The only way to cure a fear is to do that which you fear. Happiness is outside your comfort zone. I explained my thoughts to him. “Maybe we need to have sex again”, he said. Confirming my previous thought. Since it was the object/subject that drove us apart it will bring us together again. In my head a resounding… “If you want to have an eternal marriage then it’s important to have sex again”. I was crying a river. It’s true. The truth came to me just needed to listen to it.
I wanted him to be on top but that wouldn’t really be forgiving him or be participant in reconnecting would it. It the easiest way out but not the strongest. He suggested that I be on top and I said “that’s what’s forgiveness is all about right” to be the initiator and the lover. Because in order for us to be complete he needed my forgiveness and my heart since he gave me his heart during his apology and a willingness and desire to help me overcome myself.
I consented. We made love until we could feel our connection again. That’s all that mattered. We went to bed. He took half a day off for me the next day. What a sweetheart. I love him. So much. Love means doing whatever it takes to keep this deep sexual connection.