It came time for sex yesterday. But, everything inside of me was not allowing myself to even start or want to. I came out of the bathroom and made my way to the bed making little eye contact and smiling with my lips and cheeks while climbing across the bed towards my hansom husband. Naked we cuddled and he stroked my hair as I lay my head and arm on his chest. Inside of me thoughts were coming and going. But, the feeling that remained through all of them is that I had not felt important today. He was silent as I was silent. Eyes moist, a voice kept urging me; “Say something Mrs. Darlings”. I was uncomfortable with this, at the same time wondering why wasn’t he saying something or asking questions? Did he wonder or was he interested in why I was silent and still? Or was he waiting for me to make the initiative to fix the situation. Sometimes I feel like I do more initiating of the communication than he does. Maybe I just say that because of how i feel. Either way I could be wrong. Communication is so important to me. During the silence of my thinking. He stopped stroking my hair, sighed and put his hands behind his head. Body language GALORE. This is a classic disinterested or I’m waiting body language. I kept my eyes on the clock. If we continue like this…….
I broke the silence and asked him what he had learned at church today. I asked more questions. We talked and At the right time i opened up and told him that I didn’t feel like he was interested in me today. Because he wasn’t being reachy outy or as affection in being touchy feely towards me. It turns out that he had a tough day. Because of the whole church issue we have in the fact that we want things to progress with our church and the people. He just doesn’t know what to do with himself at church because there is no one there that he (or I) can have deep relations to because of their own fear or unintentional narrow mindedness. Why do I take personal offense? I guess when people don’t reach out it’s not because of other people. it’s because they themselves are not centered. Les Giblin the author of ” The Art of Dealing With People” says, “If you are on good terms with yourself, you are on good terms with others.” I want to memorize this quote it is so important.
Subconsciously we are always aware. We act according to our surroundings the obvious and the subtle. Sometimes we wonder why am I acting like this? Yesterday, I was in correction mode all day. Yes, I dislike it just as much as the person receiving it. But, I felt if I didn’t do it then the consequences will be worse than if I do. WHY? I have no factual idea. I felt my husband wasn’t interested in me. But, If I continue to think that another person is the problem then i will never change and continue to run in circles. Liberating myself is taking personal responsibility for the results I want in my life. I get what I give out right
The past couple of sex days have only been 15 to 30 minutes. Half invested sex. But, I believe that because these sexual experiences weren’t so meaningful we both became not on good terms with ourselves and therefore with each other. We both got back what we gave out.
We reconciled the situation. Got a towel and had sex. Sex on my period is actually a little more pleasurable. My G spot is very pleasure sensitive during this time.